Poppet

So tell me -
Where is it hidden?
The poppet?
I know you have one
If I search your room
and sort through your treasures
Or look inside your pillow
Or beneath your houseplants, tangled in the roots
Will it be there?

Half black half white
Rough red stitches
Blind eyed doll-baby
Tell me -
Does it look like me?

Do you hold it as easily as you take my arm
When we promenade down the street
Do the button eyes glitter in the dim light
Black as mine
Do I mimic its movements subconsciously?
When you and I speak in the drowsy evening
and my head lolls to one side like a rag doll?

If I find it
If I rend the cloth body
If I rip myself open
What is in there?
I have wracked my mind
To figure out what you may have stolen
A picture perhaps, snapped of the two of us
But with your face cut out
Or a lock of hair lifted from my coat collar
An affectionate gesture of grooming
Your hand then slipped quietly into a pocket
Or a purloined note, scrawls from my own pen
My name barely legible - but each loop and line revealing all my secrets and tensions
Or the hem tear in my skirt
Did I catch it on something or is that more of a scissor cut?
It's hard to tell

It must be somewhere - tucked away
A charm working, a trick laid
For what else could be the explanation
For how often I think of you
And how often I see your face when I close my eyes

So where is it hidden?

Vox Nocturne

Thinking of your lips tonight
all your pretty words
Oh, I remember each one
your beautiful elegant lies
Web weaving
Silken strands
So easy to tear through
false futures spun from fantasy
crumble to dust
with the slightest disturbance
and holding ashes
I convince myself
that was real, that was real, that was real

Oh but I get it
that's just pillow talk
that's just things you say

as you're backing out of the room
trying to get away
from the person holding the knife
You know, I didn't murder you
but I can't say it never crossed my mind
and you would have laughed to hear me say that
and how I would flush at the thought of it
of my hands pressing in
your eyes rolling back, white, then closing
drawing your last breath into me
Or a blade, yes, sharp as your tongue
Or an athame
god knows you couldn't be killed by normal means
Thrusting in and thrusting forward
until I can hear the blade scrape the wall behind you
the rattle from your throat as beautiful as a choir of angels
My heart at last at peace
My soul untormented and still

And now that you exist only in my head
alone in the dark
ears deaf from blood pounding
you wouldn't believe the fights we've had
still sparring with you
How eloquent, how poignant I was
arguing my case
undaunted
Still trying to reason
with the unreasonable
Surely no long dead voice
no long dead love
would ever pronounce me guilty
and I tell myself
I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine

In the garden (a death)

In the garden moon-pale translucent silver dollars
papery as fly wings
feeling them between my fingers
wondering when they might be ripe enough
to spend on penny candy

In the garden
a tangle of honeysuckle
clinging to the tall chimney
drunken hummingbirds
sticky sweet cloying perfume
rising up like heady smoke

In the garden
chinese red and mandarin orange
bearded snapdragons
keep their own council
never speaking out
until picked by small hands

In the garden
funerary arrangements of white lilies
clutched in two hands
prone on the green grass
gazing up at passing clouds
a soul contemplates heaven

In the garden
russet bricks covered in amber moss
brushing back the fine hairs
soft as silk velvet
pretty enough to use as a pall
for your powder pink casket

In the garden
long gone and lost as Eden
petals shatter, brown as caramel
curling and going to seed
dormant under turned earth
waiting for another spring

The Beetle

The room was clamorous, but she was in a quiet place
the Medium, unseeing and seeing through heavy lidded eyes
hands pulled by other hands
brushing the air around me
seeking through static
lingering finally, touching left of my heart

She(he)said: Do you remember when they placed this here?
when they placed the beetle here?

Strange the point where her(his) hand now rested
had often caused me pain
sudden, sharp and shallow
an inexplicable hitch in my breathing
like my flesh snagging, tearing
catching on a splinter of brittle rib

She(he)said: It was a ceremonial rite. An initiation.

I don't remember. Too much time has passed.

But I tried to picture the(my)body rotting in the desert heat
resined and spiced and desiccating
the fan eared jackal in silhouette
the charms and gilded promises
my mouth opening, my silent voice restored
the scarab enameled in the bright jewel greens and watery aquas of living things
golden and shimmery like a vision of eternity,
placed reverently on dry bones

She(he) said: You were alive.

Alive as I ever was and still am
eternity is my Ka drifting
my eyes open in other eyes
and the beetle, somehow still present
an occasional stab in my side to remind me
this shell is irrelevant
still alive, still here
still eternal
the insect basking in another dawn

Night Barge

The moon is bright as a silver coin
covering the eternal eye
but god is only sleeping -
perhaps dreaming
wings folded, plume upon plume
beaked head drooping onto downy breast
perched imperious
drifting on his glided barge

Sleepwalker
in the azure dark you loved me more
cooled by the breeze that billows the sails
and ruffles the head of a dozing god
hidden from the blind eye
shadows wrapped around us like a pall
hearts feather-light
like stars we burned together
all the doors of the Underworld opened

Lord of Silence
sarcophagus bound
will you take with you
your ornaments and instruments
two knives crossed
blade of copper, hilt of gold
sharp as a star point
tracing scarlet constellations
into the spangled flesh of Nuit -
may she bend to kiss you
gold flecks raining from lapis sky
as the night barge sails on

Dandy Darling

You and I should have been
Laudanum drinkers
Dragon chasers
Opium den lazing on tea stained brocade
Nodding in an aura of antique intoxication
Hazy veil descending like a caul
Reborn into an artificial paradise

You and I should have been
Kept poets
Court laureates
Bound by quills and parchment
Inking pretty words
Love letter confections for powdered ladies
To devour ravenously
Like creme pastilles from satin boxes

You and I should have been
Preening peacocks
Dandy dilettantes
Attending cultured salons
Cavorting with whores and courtesans
Dragging lace cuffs through fine feasts
Red wine spilling from your knife wound mouth

But, bound in blood, a decadent cliche
The suicide pact
Just staving off your final inevitable histrionic
Would you have held me to my word?
Mostly I just wanted to watch you dance and swoon
Conspire and gossip
Leave off your death mania for a while
I held your attention for moment, didn't I?
More than the cold grey world could

Better suited for greater times, you and I
If we wished to court Le Morte
We should have been
Buried alive in silks and excess
Choked by the cloying perfumes of moral decay
Raucous and drunken
Dis-eased by our own wantonness
Spinning, staggering
Giddy to the last into a pauper's grave

War Water

In the realm of magick
I never claimed to be anything less
Than Two Headed
But at least I'm not two faced
If all your vitriol was spilled like ink
Scrawled like words on stained paper
Easy enough for scissors to cut them down
Letter by letter, divide and conquer
Each fiber separating into meaninglessness
Small particles dissolved in tar black water
Rust and iron and creosote
Shake the bottle now, see it grow blacker still
Now all the things that were said -
They bring strife only to you
This is your curse, I gladly give it back
Easy enough to dissipate it like ashes
Easy enough to bottle it up like War Water
And like a glass grenade I can throw this from me
Shattered against your door
All your splinters and careless ire
Splashed across your own threshold
Your own mess to track through
You bring this on yourself
I can walk away from this battlefield
And without you I sleep just fine, cool and peaceful


7/2011

Catharsis

You never knew about the honey jar
My vain attempt to bend your broken will
Our hair, your picture, my sad little dreams
Names woven into crosshatch
Sealed with the blood drip wax of a thousand red candles
Love surely blooming like crystallization within
How I prayed to sweeten your heart

But broken will cannot be bent
And the honey soon turned bitter
No sweetness now
Left to fester too long
Too many unanswered prayers
I realized these tokens simply bound me to you
The very weight of the jar becoming unbearable

I remember running, needing air
Outside, the spring light fading
My hands clenched like claws
Forcing the lid open
Seals breaking, splitting apart
Contents spilling into the open air
Releasing my sickness, bursting forth
Shining droplets suspended for a moment
Like golden tears of a dying sun
And then sounds of shattering
Lancets of broken glass piercing the ground
Honey pooling and oozing into the earth
Draining out like pus from a long neglected cut
Breaking the fever
Purging the infection

Leaving clean and empty
but unclosing wounds


7/2011

Amber

In the end, when they crack open my skull
Clear away the bone and blood
There will be nothing but amber
A fossil of great value
Glowing in hues of ochre and cherry
Everything that is me trapped within
-Hold it up to the light
-See here?
A memory, the color of a lover's eye
Unrequited desire, a knot of ache
Your face, and the moon like Diana's bow
The flush of passion and promises broken
It all takes on a golden luster as time passes
Perfectly preserved
These are my remains
Realer than life ever was
Realer than I ever wished it to be

6/2011

Mal De Ojo

Surely I can't be blamed
For your misfortune
They will call you superstitious
Probably a coincidence
But I really couldn't help it
You could find it flattering if you like
Driving me to the point of madness

Truly this has a just been
A spiritual crime of passion
A ripple on the astral plane
A twinge perhaps, a prick in your side
(but did you feel it?)
The envy from my eye
The jealousy from my heart
Like a throwing knife slamming into the wall beside you

6/2011

Entities I have known

You said a name - what was it again?
He'd boasted a demonic heritage
What did you say your name was?
"I forgot what lie I told you"
A paradox perhaps, lie within a lie
But demons, of course, are prone to lying

Another preternaturally odd
Half here/half there
Guessing my magickal names
He appeared above my bed one night
A perfect glowing entity walking in a dream
Spiritual stalking, yes - but his glamour was strong

My vain Baron, of course
Saving my soul and destroying my house
With his entourage of ghosts
My room was full of voices then
Flickering shades in my windows
Pulling themselves onto our plane just to be near him

And my dear Seraphim
I remember you in another place
Giddy in the fever of divine mercy
Whispering against my cheek
Regarding the collection of certain angelic frequency
For unauthorized and rapturous uses

Sometimes the masks slip, and the solid world becomes soft
My beloved menagerie revealing little secrets
If nothing else reminding me of my own stunted divinity -
Dormant now, trying to quicken
But - when I was younger
My energy was like a sparkler
Leaving a trail of burning stars on the ground


5/2011

Late Autumn

Come with me, I said
Come watch the leaves turn
Like fire catching
Bursting into colored flames of russet and amber, oxblood and saffron
The air crisp, full of spice and smoke

I clasped your hand and we wandered
For this was our time, late autumn afternoon
And I was thinking only of kissing you
Or the feel of my fingers in your chestnut hair
We walked in silence, breath a pale mist

But we were too late, winter already creeping in
The landscape sodden with muddy water
Fiery trees extinguished by damp and dulled colors
Ground matted down with crushed, browning petals
Scattered with dormant seeds, never opened,
Giving up too soon under the overcast sky
I stood gazing into a leaf choked pool at our refection
Feeling your hand slipping away from mine


5/2011

Chase

I am graceless here
The ground vibrating, humming with insects
My feet tangled in daisy chains and cornflowers
Snarled up in high grasses

Golden haired
Summer creature
This is your place
Mocking me with your strange smile in the bright lemon yellow haze
Do you dare me?
I can catch you
Run

Suddenly light
Breathe in, air full and clean
Pure bliss, joy in the chase, locking gaze
Watching your eyes shifting color, blue to green to black


5/2011

Saint John

With Rending of Garment and Great Gnashing of Teeth,
Tell me Saint John, how your God has forsaken you -
He never returns your calls
And when he sees you out at the club, catch his gaze and he quickly turns away
Despair is like manna from heaven to you
A sacrament, a holy communion

How long, oh lord, shall the wicked triumph?
You cry out from the Altar
So blind you are
I could weep like the Dolorosa, cradle you like the Pieta
I could cut a vein and stand before you like Christ torn open,
My hands bleeding rays of grace as a balm for your wounds.

But nothing can taint your purity
And no one can stop your Martyrdom
And eyes so sore they weep blood can only see red
Ignite your soul on the pyre of your self righteous fury
Leaving me only relics
Dry bones and cold ashes


2001

Shatter

Raise a glass
To memory
But
The thought of you
Sometimes
Still
Like a shock
Involuntary
Twitch
Seize and shatter
Into stigmata
Diamonds and rubies
In my clutching hands

5/2011

Little Dagger

I have a little dagger
A little silver dagger with a pretty ebony handle
It reminds me of your eyes
See how I hold it like a martyrs relic
Religiously, reverently
Fine edge shining like the edge of forever
Your face in my hand
Lay the blade against your cheek
Like a kiss
It warms against your skin
Tracing the hollow of your neck
To the breathless point above your heart
Martyr, is your faith in me secure?
In perfect trust
Close your eyes and surrender
Falling back toward the precipice
Far away from the world

5/2011

Narcissus

Side by side
We gaze into your mirror reflection
Waxen white
Pale and perfect
Your throat like a upturned petal
Brazen in moonlight
Your vain perfume
Maddening narcotic
Bold narcissus
Present your hand for a kiss
Find my teeth on your wrist


5/2011

The Death of Salvador

The man in the tower
Hallucinating toreador
Lies beneath the skin of the water
Time softens and runs like a sore
Now whispering to his servant
"My Gala, bright bee
Calling my name
Chanting like quatre clocks"
And breaking through the surface
He rose up to meet her
His divine apparition
His subconscious obsession
His persistent memory
And the young man wept
A jeweled tear for his master
Victorious in the rapture

(For Dali - 1989)

Desire

Baby's got his black dress on
Vain as desire
Cruel as love
Dancing like a flame
Sharp heels pierce the floor
Trailing blood
He swoons as the rapture
Envelopes him
Porcelain limbs clattering
Into a pool of black velvet


1989

Sister

Standing in the garden
Full bloomed and bruised
The intoxication
Sweetly decaying perfume
My Lady of the roses
My china doll
Frail among the flowers
Cracked hands to touch me
Lacquered eyes to see me
Fragile and tattered
Like faded lace


1993

Purgatorio

I've met you
Anima Sola
You passed through me
Drifting in an inbetween place
A cracked bone desert
A dry and barren salt flat
Nothing is here
Nothingness and naught

Here the horizon fades into greyscape
Pale and shadowless
Smoldering with ghost fires
Translucent as vapor
Leached of color and heat
Burning like memories
Of ache and loss

Anima Sola
Nothing holds you here
Nothing chains you
In this Purgatorio
Rise up from the dry ground
Come out of the desert
Reel in the silver cord
You have wandered out too long


5/2011

Hexbreaker

I have been walking where I shouldn't
See here? My feet are covered in dust
Someone is working against me
I can feel the needle
Stitching up
Stitching up
Pull the threads tight
Seven times seven knots
See? This is why the thoughts repeat
This is why I cannot rest
My name crossed and counter crossed
Laced and locked
Bottled and buried
Like iron nails driven into the earth

Hexbreaker
Purify me in salt and water
Let it wash over me like tears and rain
Take this and bind it
Cut hair and torn clothing
This is your name
This is your coffin
This is your undoing

Hexbreaker
Take this from me
My crossed condition
My blocked road
Send it back
Send it reeling
Glinting like sunlight off a mirror shard
To blind my enemy's eye
Like a just arrow



5/2011

Hourglass

You are sick, beloved
Trapped in your bed shroud
Like a butterfly in a web
My beautiful consumptive

I am in the dim light beside you
Listening
Your breath rattles and your mutter so softly
You whisper like the sands through an Hourglass

We are running out of time

Can you feel me as I draw back the curtains
And lay beside you on fever soaked sheets
I hold your face in my hands
And kiss your dark eyes
Your pale throat
Your damp brow
You have always been so beautiful

Do you know me in your delirium
As I press my lips to yours
Still whispering, my Hourglass

I could hold you like this forever
If time would stop
I would draw your soul into me
With your last breath
I could set you free



2002

Binding

Bind our hair in one sheaf, auburn and flax, mingled
Bind my wrist and yours with one silken cord
I am the bell ringer, tolling
That I might hear your resonant voice
I am the pilgrim, crawling over rocky hills
That I might touch your ivory skin
I am the miser, hoarding gems
That I might hold forever your olivine eyes
I am the alchemist, dissolving pearls of wisdom in wine
That I may learn your secrets



1987

Psyche's Angels

In this forest
The birds have gone mute
But Driads rustle impatiently in tree-skins
Waiting for me to pass

Moss as soft as velvet
A quiet pond
The water smooth as plate glass
I shatter it with my hand

The air flutters
Torn and tattered butterfly wings
Dancing in little whorls
Psyche's angels

She lies among the wildflowers
Powder pale
Twined in forget-me-nots
Hair like dandelion silk
Limbs delicate fronds
Eyes like spring greens
Bursting forth from the earth


1987

Judas

I remember the end times

We kissed at the edge of Armageddon,
it should have been goodbye

I remember a night of blasphemy
You etching names upon my forehead
And crouching at the end of my chain
The whore-saint and the angel-beast
Our mouths filled with mockery
For an all-too-quickly approaching god

A night we shared the wounds of Christ
Our bodies purified enough
To crack open and bleed
We swayed like hysterics, calling down heaven
Your eyes wept precious rubies
Sore with the desire to repent

I recall a night I found your wings
Tracing crimson lines
Opening bloody feathers
Like the holy spirit mortally wounded
I drank like a reverent pilgrim
From the grail

Yes, I remember the end of the world,
Your lips soft and cold
Now bitter and snarling
Every accusation
A piece of silver falling from your mouth

Would that I could silence you
And close my hands around your throat like I used to
And stop forever your lying tongue
With a kiss goodbye
Like it should have been
With the world dissolving beneath our feet
Falling into oblivion

2001

Locution

I hear you as an interior locution
Each word like a knot in a prayer cord
"You who are above all others, my saint and my judas,
The brightest jewel in my crown of thorns"
As I look into your eyes I see the alpha and omega
and I wonder…
When did we meet and how did you kill me?
You draw my soul from my mouth with a kiss, Thanatos
Would that I could be content
To sit at the edge of Armageddon again
Without wishing
I could once more press my lips to the wound in your side



1998

Perfect Union

Do you realize
The afternoon we wandered into the old masonic cemetery (and I am certain, the gate was half open already)
That we inadvertently tore through the veil?

As we stepped across the threshold did you feel the sudden rush of stale wind carrying the muttering invocations of long dead brothers?

They urged me to ascend the staircase tomb and standing there, on the ramparts overlooking the pillars and stones, I could see them -
Chanting in grave rotted livery, holding twisted hands bent in archaic symbols towards the setting sun

Then I saw you, divine in your true aspect, your eyes a refection of my own morality, your laughter an echo of my last sweet breath.
A gateway to eternity, the sun a glowing nimbus behind you

I stood on the mausoleum rooftop, swooning, wavering like a heat haze, praying you would catch me in my Icarus-fall
And the dusty brethren of the Perfect Union lodge sighed beneath my feet "Beau Soleil"



1998

Psychopomp

Now my darling
Come take my arm
Untangle yourself from these foolish cords
Join me in one final dance
One last grand promenade
How long have we been companions?
Isn't it time we were lovers?
For I have always been your suitor
Close your eyes and twirl
Dizzy and breathless
Let the world devour its heart with envy
I will steal you away
My hand on your face
And my lips against your cheek
I draw you forth with a kiss
In this moment, you are mine and mine alone
In this eternity, though the way is uncertain
You will not stumble
In my arms, Beloved
You glide like mist
Through the gates



5/2011

Nectar

Knife traces spirals
Blade parts the flesh
Peel back the layers
Revealing patterns of color
Blooms in winter snow

Open like a crimson flower
You love me, you love me not
You become a field of poppies
I am like the Chuparrosa
My mouth full of scarlet petals

4/2011

Diadem

Leaden your face white, contessa
And adjust your black crapes
And wear your mourning like a sparkling diadem
Encrusted in dark memories
Faceted and Precious

Holding court behind beveled glass
The ceremony begins
Unapproachable upon the Dias
Untouchable lest you shatter
Like brittle jet

Lachrymal visage crystallizing
Veins of quartz laced through marble
Glittering in the dark
Eyes fractured like Black Opals
Clouded with fire sputtering out

Watch the courtiers swooning, spinning
Passion, pomp and vanity
What grace and ease
They touch without hesitation
Mingle without walls

Clutch your casket
Guard your finest treasures
Visions and obsessions
Set in onyx and black amber
You are a glided ghost among them

Drink your envy out of cut glass
Regrets trickled over crystal sugar
Poison pearls dissolved in Chartreuse
A bittersweet elixir
To catch in the throat

Absolution comes like honey on a knife blade
The sweetest cut would be deep and golden
All these riches locked inside her,
She wonders
Oh how would the court react
If she spilled her rubies onto the floor



3/2011

Spirit Bottle

Kissing your throat
I used to run my hands
Across the dent in your ribcage
You told me long ago
That's where they had taken out your heart
I could see the scars

As a gift
If i plucked my heart from my chest
Precious and shining
A faceted jewel
You would dash it to the ground
Riches meant nothing to you

But there was a time
I would have made any deal
Bribed any god
Novenas and contracts
My very soul
How pathetic I was

Now at your tombstone
The upper hand is mine
I could press my lips to the ground
And whisper
A libation of whiskey
A handful of coins
A pocket full of graveyard dust
You could be mine in a spirit bottle,
a tincture of bitter and bile to drink like a slow poison
You could be mine forever

But I'm not here to dance on your grave
I can't hold rage like you did
I forgive you
I bless your vain and pale shade
I release you angry spirit
Into the peace of oblivion




3/2011

Triptych

-Geist 1988-

My hand on the planchette
Drifting letter to letter
Points to answers I want to hear
Ideomotor effect, perhaps
I have always been a poor medium

Instead I seek your face
in ectoplasmic tintypes
Snapped by a spiritualist
I paid him to capture them
Surreptitiously

Black and white, silver moonstone mirrored
My beautiful specter haunting the dark spaces
Pale and dusty and bloodless
Emerging from shadows like gauze on a trick wire
False Apparition, passion that never was, passion nonetheless.



-Warlock 1998-

Terrible
Unleashed upon the world
I may have broke the circle
But Sygils traced in dust
Couldn't hold you anyway

My vain and exquisite Beast
Comes in a pleasing form
Wailing for sacrifice
With sharp tongue slashing
Plunge the knife in

An incomplete incantation
Ritual blood spilled and wasted
A yellow sickness of possession
Left me abandoned, fevered
To retch you from my being like an ill humour



-Angelus 2002-

In the beginning there was your hand
A simple gesture
Your hand in mine
A bird feather touch as time falls away
The hourglass emptied into aeons

And In the silence
Rushing of wings and wings
I am purified by oblivion
Heaven's light too bright then black
My soul devoured by Seraphim fire

Reborn
Into beatific, divine madness
I remember the sacrament
The salt on your cool skin
And the candy snap of your hollow bones


1/2011

The Empty Confessional

Open the Door, I the Penitent,
Step into the Silence.
Mea culpa, Mea culpa,
This has all been My Fault.

Count the Beads,
Chipped Stone, Broken Glass.
Kiss and let them drop, one by one,
Onto the floor of the Empty Confessional.

Each Faceted Ave is another Transgression.
Each Gilded Pater is an aching memory.
They press patterns into my flesh as I kneel,
In my Graceless State.

I cannot hear the voice of god
Here in the cool black velvet dark.
But I suspect you are there, My Angel,
My Ghost behind the Grille.

Time has woven you a Vestment of Crimson and Purple,
Jeweled in Amber, Suspended in my Thoughts.
You are Voluptuous in piety, My Contemplative -
My Ascetic in the Desert

Absolution is not granted here,
But I am safe from the eye of god.
I will whisper my Trespasses into the empty air
And let them rise like incense to the Ages.


5/2010

Omens

Blithely forward in my waking dream
Ignore the signs, flashing reflections
Heels crushing mirror shards - 7 into 14 into 28 years bad luck

Someone has scattered black cards in a warning pattern
Pass over the spades, the 10, the 9, the Ace, the Tower
Shuffle through, the dignity is reversed anyway

Silence the crows, I'm not listening to you
Battering against the window of my house
3 is a murder, dripping into pools of inky black feathers

Turn a blind eye as the crystal clouds
Resigned spirits with heads in hands
Can't spell it out any clearer to you on the Witch Board

But onward to the precipice
And please avoid the harbinger
Convince yourself the future is clear, bright parchment


And each step is as yet unwritten



5/2010

The Man at the Crossroads

Where the Roads meet
Bury it there
Scratch into the earth
What you Need.
Be Specific -
Do Not Doubt
This is The Doorway.

The Dapper Gentleman
A Dark Stranger
Might Come By
Strolling
Nonchalant -
Whistling Perhaps
On a Pleasant Afternoon.

If He Asks You
Child, What is it
What do you Want,
And What Do You Leave
Speak Clearly
Eloquently
This is your Chance

The Black Man
Might Catch Your Words
Fold Them Like Money
Slip Them Into his Pocket
Like a Love Note
And Keep on Walking
Down the Road

5/2010